10 Reasons to Dump a Boyfriend - He's Probably a Sociopath
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He's smart. He's charming. You're crazy about him. Even if your friend's say that he's a liar.
Sure you’re crazy about him. After all, he’s charming, good looking and intelligent. You’re the center of his life. And even if he’s sometimes rude or dishonest with friends and family (his or your own), he’s always good to you. Other people just don’t understand. These are the signs of a sociopath.
Well, honey, looks aren’t everything. Before you marry a sociopath or start having children with him, surrender your precious life to him, you need to take a good objective look. Is your guy a sociopath?
1) He’s lied to you three times. That you know of. The lying won’t stop.
2) In arguments, his logic trumps your emotions and morals. When disagreements arise, he makes you feel inadequate, stupid or crazy.
3) He is contemptuous of others. Soon it will be you. Or your children.
4) He’s never wrong.
5) He does not show remorse. Everything is somebody else’s fault. If he did or said something out of line, he refers to it as something ‘that happened,’ not something he did or said.
6) People close to you warn you about him. Their vision isn’t clouded by love. Others don’t understand him but you do. You can save him from his martyrdom.
7) He goes for cheap thrills – sex, drugs, booze, out-of-the-norm, unhealthy, or compulsive behavior
8) He can be charming and often gets his way by appearing more clever than you or other people.
9) His good acts never go unnoticed. He is heroic! (It's all about him)
10) He has notions of entitlement because he is better than everybody else.
How many popular songs have been written about this guy? While it all seems romantic now, if he is a sociopath, it’s all an act. Maybe he is happy. Because he is getting what he wants. Of course he is good to you. His ‘goodness’ is the bait. Your children will be the hook. You will become, in due time, his victim.
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In 'Night of the Hunter,' Robert Mitchem plays a sociopath posing as a man of God
Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Anti-Social Personality Disorder
It has been suggested that the character I described is actually someone with narcissistic personality disorder, and, indeed, there are similarities. Also, a personality disorder can combine with another personality disorder as well as other psychiatric problems.
Narcissistic personality disorder occurs three times more in men than in women. The person with narcissistic personality disorder wants and feels he deserves the best of everything. That sense of entitlement makes him condescending and arrogant. He feels specially gifted and talented and may be preoccupied with power and success and a need for admiration. He feels no empathy with other people and will become defensive if criticized. He'll appear deeply wounded when his wrong doings are pointed out.
Obviously, someone with narcissistic personality disorder can be difficult to deal with or live with. He can cause great emotional hurt to those who love him.
But the difference between narcissistic personality disorder and the anti-social or sociopathic person is that the person with narcissistic personality disorder are merely callous and unfeeling in their treatment of others.
The sociopath's manipulative behavior is calculated and premeditated. the sociopath needs a victim and herein lies the danger.
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Well written, excellent hub on sociopaths and the people they use.
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- Young Men Beware - Advice for Young Men From an Older Woman
Young men, particularly the quiet ones, the ones who are't real girl-savy, are attracted to pushy or dramatic girls. Well, watch out, young man, you may be getting yourself into trouble.
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That's what good friends are for, KCC!
But they never listen to the friends. They always say, "but you just don't know him like I do". LOL
A girl wouldn't really say something like that, would she?
OMIGOD! You described my ex-husband to a tee! Wow! He was actually diagnosed as being as a sociapath as he has no conscience and can't really form attachments to people.
Every single time when she's in love.
Just makes me glad the dating phase for me is in the past. My best friend is back to that stage, and I know exactly what you're saying, KCC.
Ummm....I am not a sociopath!
Nice article and eye opening too!
KCC and LaughingMom, thank you for your comments and discussion. It's so easy for a girl to be blindsided by the attention showered on her by a charming weasel. Why don't girls listen to their friends and the people who love them? How come the stinkers are so often the good looking ones?
cindy, I've read your hubs where you discuss your relationship with that stupid jerk. You'd think even a socoipath would know which side his bread is buttered on. Why do they turn on people who would stand by them, do anything for them even if it's only in self intererest, even if they have no conscience. I am so glad that you are free of that guy. It took a lot of guts to stand up for yourself and be yourself, and value the really cool, intelligent person that you are.
Christoph, aww, you ain't one of them. Can a sociopath ever really admit to being one? Can a sociopath ever even care to? They live in a world where they are right and everybody else is wrong. Thank you for commenting!
While I much enjoy your article, I fear that you're mixing sociopathy with narcissistic personality disorder. In point 2, his logic may or may not be present at all; the fact is that he does not experience emotion unless it directly pertains to how he likes to live his daily life. If the situation doesn't directly affect his pleasures, it doesn't matter. This is a sign of a sociopath. A narcissistic personality disorder will need to be right, regardless of his tactics. Again, many of the points you raise are more indicative of a narcissistic personality disorder; they feel entitled to the described behavior and continue to act so until challenged and beaten by another individual, at which point they back down or leave to find a lifestlye more conducive to their needs. This problem is characterized by manipulating other people's emotions out of a feeling of need or entitlement. A sociopath, on the other hand, is very callous with how they act because it's pretty much all the same to them. As long as they're getting what they want when they want it, everything's alright. When they're not, batten down the hatches and head for the cellars, folks, because you've got someone completely incapable of mentally placing themselves in other peoples' shoes who will do anything and everything to get what he wants. While the outcome between the two may be the same, there is a big difference in motive, intention, and the manner in which they go about achieving their goals.
Jarn, i really need to expand this one, it was written early on and I concede your point that the person described is certainly narcississtic, but the one who is a real trouble maker for young ladies to avoid is the narcissistic sociopath who feels entilted to treat a gal like shit. The sociopath derives pleasure from the manipulation of others and you sure don't want to deal with that. From a lot that I've read, they certainly are closely related. Thanks for commenting.
Jarn,
Thank you so much for this timely hub, as I am quite familiar with this sort of individual however I wasn't quite sure which disorder they had exactly. They need to identify themselves in this type of behavior and get help or medicine if that's what will help. When someone acts superior, and they are very attentive to you at first, and controlling... thus, characteristics of the sociopath. These people are more dangerous than we realize and can cause havoc in ones life. They also particuarly prey on others who have recently suffered losses of their own, financial, health, divorce and similar life situations. They zoom right in and are like vultures ready to identify and claim their victim. I urge anyone with these traits to get themselves some psychiatric counseling before they hurt even more people who enter their life.
Thanks again for sharing this information with us.
far too many people with this kind of behavior around in my opinion..... but then what do I know
Erin, the trouble with these folks is that they don't want help, everybody else is crazy. The reason they zoom in on vulnerable people is because such people are easy marks. I urge anyone involved with such a creep to show him the door real quick.
Brand, it does seem like there is a lot of that kind of behavior. Maybe they've been encouraged by the 'me first' attitude that was so popular for so many years.
That's a pretty good list of reasons to dump a guy. We all have had never wrong types in our lives.
MaryElena - actually, there seems to be quite a lot of the never wrong types.
I think you all should be very carefull of what and how you state things; it is always very easy to point a finger at someone else and disregarding your own flaws or lack of social awareness.
I get very frustrated that people can talk about someone else's persnality as if it's a disease but at the same time talk about themselves as if they are a gift from god.
PietrB - First of all, no one is specifically pointing a finger at any particular person. And of course we all have flaws. It's those flaws that attract women to sociopathic men, it's their weakness and dependency on guys who appear to be other than what they are.
The behavior described above is not really a disease but a character disorder. Diseases can be cured. Awfully defensive, aren't you?
Well I understand that my position might seem defensive.
But I believe it is for a valid reason; like you said women get attracted by those kind of men because of their own weaknesses.
Protraying it as 'the man being the problem or even a social/sexual predator' helps others believe that getting rid of him is the end of it.
But in fact it should only be the beginning in learning to understand themselves and even getting to realise that themselves are just as much to blame for putting themselves in such a position.
One of the reasons I am being so defensive is that despite this article doesn't exactly point out someone specific; it does encourage people to think that way; to blame the other.
It is even apparent in some of the responses to the article.
There is for example no mention of the fact that everybody displays sociopathic behaviour in some way or antoher to some degree. Just as much there is no explanation about getting rid of 'the guy' is only the smallest step of getting to know yourself and your own behaviour.
In return, your response of 2 months ago does not say anything of the sort (again). It even comes to the point where it begins to sound very unrealistic and even bitter.
PieterB, bitter? Because I called sociopaths stinkers? Or whatever? You might think I am talking about guys who just don't work out. I am talking about sociopaths. These guys (and gals too)actually need people to victimize. I'm sick and tired of the blame the victim mentality. If a guy (or gal) is manipulative, and dangerous, of course the proper course of action is to avoid them. You can't work things out.
But, hey, don't believe me. Look it up yourself.
You've missed my point entirely.
I'm not saying that they should be able to patch things up.
I'm saying, Don't blame the victim; but try to understand that there is no victim but an attraction in between two people.
Don't stigmatise sociopaths because -for all you might know- they act on just as much insecurities as the 'victim' who is looking for someone to protect and support her/him. A way of thinking and asking for attention which in its isolated way can also be harmful or 'wrong'.
These people get attracted to each other for a reason; if both don't learn how they are attracted by that. Then both can very easily repeat the pattern in a next relationship, and nothing is gained from that particular experience.
You can be just as dangerous and as manipulative to your own children and their mental health but(like most sociopaths or other charachter disorders) not even be aware of the mistakes you are making.
Don't run around labeling everbody, calling this one a freak and that one a victim.
It is a unrealistic way of thinking and psychology is much much more then text book quotes.
With all due respect...
Pieter - The very definition of anti social personality disorder includes a disregard for the rights of others, pathological lying, a lack of empathy, contempt for the feelings of others, and a lack of moral responsibility. The fact that these people are capable of great charm and can convince others (or con others) into trust makes them dangerous. I wrote this as a warning to young women. If you have a problem with this, methinks thou doth protesteth too much.
i've been seduced before by creatures such as you've described..
Excellent article and well presented... I pray it is not from personal experience though. If so, good for you to stand up and be counted! Thank you for sharing, and have a fnatastic day!
Thanks for writing this! My friend dated a sociopath once...horrible experience for anyone. They really are out there, people who have no conscience. The Sociopath Next Door is a great beginning book for anyone wanting to learn more!
Just had to stop by and say great hub :)
I lovee it! Soo true!
dijc - whoah, chilling remark.
chick, thank you for stopping by and commenting. I seem to have somehow insulted certain people, but really am only attempting to warn the nice girls to avoid trouble for themselves.
Bredavies, thank you for the comment.
Very informative hub. a great hub for all women to read. Great job!
Thank you very much, Crazdwriter.
I have five sisters to guard with. I've seen how the other men (boyfriends) made them laugh or cry. Some guys have other motives in showing off their girlfriends in public, as in PDA (public display of affection). Narcissistic traits of men was derived from Narcissus who never married because he felt in love with his reflection while looking at the water. It's nature for men to dominate the women. I think a relationship can be longlife if a man and a woman will understand each other's opinion, may it be positive or negative. Truth hurts and it's time for us not to just rely on our own opinion. Some people may see our other self through our actuations and the so-called unguarded moments or if we get drunk.
Travelman - it's not just about a girl crying, it's about abusing a relationship. A man domineering a woman, well in a cultural sense is one thing, but even in male dominated cultures, I don't think people appreciate a guy turning a wife or girlfriend into a victim - ie, stealing from her, hitting her, treating her in a cruel fashion, or belittling her.
I repeat, I have no problem with you unlawful behaviour; but please have the decency to carry it through to the end.
In deleting the messages that I write but which you can not rebut you only are belitteling yourself and making a joke of a free public forum which you yourself are dependent on.
Okay, Pieter. Happy now?
That's wonderful advice and well written! Thanks
stricklydating - thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate the compliment.
where were you when i married my husband, i may have married him anyway but knowing what you are dealing with helps.i think that these guys do what they do because there is an audience for them.especially those that cheat.they are like parasites feeding off of people.god forbid some insecure damsel in distress comes across one of these guys because they will have a feast.and if drug addiction is a part of their life like my husband then hold on to your seat because you're going for a ride.
loveofnight - that is a horrible way to put it but after thinking about what you said, maybe you hit the nail right on the head. Maybe because such people have no empathy, no real feelings for others, they sort of suck the joy out of them... like, as you say, a parasite.
Nope, not at all.
The two messages I posted earlier about how your 'view' of such problems does more harm to the fabric off society then the very people which you describe is not here anymore.
You have coneveniently deleted that and my explanation about my own personal experiences with the people you so horrible describe whilst hiding behind psychological textbook quotes who were never meant to be interpreted in such a way.
You have simply chosen to leave my complaint about it, not the actual information itself.
So you all can complain to each other about these terrible persons some more without ever understanding the driving force that has put yourselves as well as them in such situations.
For the record, I'm not offended in any way. Not in the least bit actually; I only feel remorse for the fact that there are so many people searching for psychological 'demons' to dump their problems on.
So either you delete the entire conversation - or you bring back the posts that you censured in the first place. Since it's not that you will learn from it will you?
With regards,
Pieter Belmans, Belgium.
never heard this before..thank you for sharing and for the warning ma'am... :)...
Pieter - the reason I chose to deny your previous comments is that long, repetitious comments really don't get us anywhere. You stated that my deletion of your comments is somehow illegal and that, frankly, creeped me out. This is my hub and I can delete what I like. If you think that you can psychologically pressure me into printing everything you have to say, you are barking up the wrong tree. If you feel so strongly on the subject, why don't you write your own hub? It's easy and you can go on at great lengths on topics of your choosing and bring up points that you feel are important.
If you think that I am demonizing sociopaths, tell that to the victims of Ted Bundy. Tell it to my friend who married a handsome, generous, charming man to have him browbeat her, brainwash the self-esteem right out of her, then practically brain her. Tell that to victims of abuse everywhere, to victims of violent criminals who hurt other people for their own entertainment.
Sorry, Peiter, but I find it odd that you are so indignant, so pushy, and so trying to convince to to say that 'sociopaths are people too.' Maybe you read something in this hub that isn't really there or that I did not intend.
Well first of all,
The reason why I acted so strongly was because of your personal remark on my first comment, saying how 'defensive I was'. I believe this was totally uncalled for and the fact that you chose to react so personally was for me an indication, like the manner in which you wrote your article, that you are not exactly someone that others should listen too.
My thoughts became even stronger when you decided not to publish any of the comments you were not able to rebut. Offcourse, you are not obliged to publish them, and if this system is designed that you can delete any message you want; then that is a flaw in the system.
I was trying to appeal to your sense of decency, the deletion of messages that simply do not praise you for you glorious insight is, in my opinion, genuintly unfair/ or unlawful towards yourself I meant in that particular message.
Because you were abusing a public forum which functions on the sacred principal that everyone has a right of speech.
I was trying in this way to show you that their is a back side to things.
If you feel you have a right of censurship instead of participating in a public discussion; that makes you, in my opinion, no better then Stalin or Hitler. Since the basic method of thought is thesame.
Just as much I feel that you should not label everyone with these easily obtained psycological terms; because if a psychiatrist/psychoanalyst would do it to you, (and tell you his honest medical opinion), you would be surprised at what kind of horrible terms he would use.
It would be uselus for me to write a different hub since I wanted to understand how you came to believe such blaming thoughts. I am actually very interested in how you came to realise these things, even on how any of these other women came to realize these things.
I believe if you honestly search these thoughts and feelings and how they began; somewhere you will come to realize that they are indeed biased or perhaps even based on a social idea proclaimed in a ridiculous article like this.
My point in all was not so much that I wanted to show that 'sociopaths are people too' but that 'all of the people are more of a sociopath then most believe'. There are thousands of sociopaths terified of the world because of being judged like this, thousands that in fact do not lay a finger on their loved ones.
Yet you pick the few disfunctional ones and turn them into an example for an entire article about a basic psyological part of the human social behaviour system.
That's all I was trying to do - to understand and to show you that psychology is not meant to be used in such a way; and that you are doing more harm then most of the sociopaths out there. You are confusing sociopaths with people who have a strong tendency towards violance.
Like I said, I was trying to point out that the situation is much more complex; that these defenitions are not meant to be interpreted so blinding literally and that in fact you are encouraging people to think in a wrong way - in a way of using psychological terms to 'define' and then consequently 'blame' others, instead of realising that they have the same basic system up to a certain degree.
If you give me the numbers of these 'victims' I'll be happy to explain.
And yet again, you attack me personally. Calling me pushy and indignant which have no refference to the article or subjects whatsoever. I started discussing your train of thought and the things you wrote; you were the first of us making the mistake in getting 'up close and personal'.
I hope you realise that.
Respectfully,
Belmans Pieter.
Pieter. This is the end, okay. What my whole hub was about, was to warn young ladies away from a certain type of guy whose behavior I described. If a young man is a liar, if he belittles a girl's emotions, if he ridicules her morals, if he is contemptuous, cannot admit he's ever wrong, and has no empathy for others - he is not the kind of guy a young lady should hang around with. All these behaviors will only lead to pain and suffering for the girl.
Tell me, Pieter, if you had a daughter, would you want her to live with a guy like I just described? That's why I wrote the article.
The reason I deleted your comments was because they were too long and I thought our discussion (including my own remarks) repetitious.
This is not a public forum. This is my article. My hub.
So call me Hitler if you like. It's popular insult around here these days. Do you really mean to equate me with one of the most powerful monsters of the last century?
You have a right to your opinion. I have a right to mine. Let a thousand flowers bloom!
Hi Delores,
This is your brother-in-law. Good job! That guy sounded like a nut case. And his defensive posture as far as
Sociopaths are concerned, speaks volumes, doesn't it? I think you handled it with class and dignity from an obviously
troubled person. Great hub. I recognize some of the pics on here. Brings back memories. Keep up the good work! Lots of good advice, too.
Randy
HI RANDY! Thanks for reading my hub! Thanks for the support. You probably liked it when he called me Hitler, though. haha
Hi Delores,
This is great! I remember your Grandfather's house and Catherine. Liked the pic of your Mom, too. I think you have put a lot of work into this. Thanks. Got some tips. There is always one nut job on the net. LOL, I did chuckle, but you handled him well. Thnaks for this.
Randy (Delores' brother-in-law.)
HI Randy. Leave it to relatives to leave a comment that doesn't make any sense. What does Grandpop have to do with it. Grandpop wasn't a sociopath.
Hi Delores,
Now since when do I have to make sense??? Having grown up around you I knew all the stuff you were talking about. Your Grandpop's house ( I was there a few times)the pic of your Mom I have seen, and the stuff you were referring to. It was a compliment. Of course I know your grandfather wasn't a sociopath. That is reserved for my side of the family, LOL.
Ha, Rand, but that is another hub, another article, that's why I was confused. You are probably the only one in your family who isn't a sociopath. Mine are just weird.
Deloros, you hub is so right on, and rather close to home. The truth, sadness, warning and hope are all needed to be shared before 'the young ladies' get shackeled with that deceiving personality. Thanks for sharing so well!
Thank you, frogyfish. I know some folks have objected to my warning, claiming that all sociopaths are not violent. They may not all be violent but you don't have to hit someone to hurt them very badly.
Scary, but a good read anyway. This should be required reading especially for young women just beginning their adventures into the dating world. I will bookmark this hub for future reference. Very good.
Thank you fastfreta - and it really goes for the guys too. Of course women are rarely as dangerous as men (no offense, gentlemen) but a little thought and caution could spare a lot of pain and heartbreak.
Dolores.
You say you want to end this discussion yet you ask me two questions in the same post. I sugest you make up your mind.
I understand what you were trying to do, I simply disagree with this black/white view. The term "Sociopathic behaviour" is never intended to be interpreted the way you do......call them rapists or abusers then, but not sociopaths.
You and your family obviously have the same way of thinking it seems.
Cheers, Pieter.
You know, PietrB, we may be talking apples and oranges here. How about this: rapists and abusers are generally sociopaths. But all sociopaths aren't abusers and rapists. To rape or abuse is sociopathic behavior. Not all sociopaths are going to chop you up into pieces. I just would not want my daughter to marry one.
Merry Christmas, Pietr!
Believe me Pieter & Dolores..your discussion was far more interesting than the hub !! but i provided me two very very different perspectives. both these perspectives will give me a very good approach in dealing with sociopaths on different degrees of closeness.
Thanks guys
Just don't get personal here, :) otherwise your discussion gives a very diverse view on the subject...
Craftsmith. Oh, for cryiing out loud, now Pietr's getting first billing. I've about had it up to here (makes gesture at throat) with that guy. Actually I deleted some comments that I thought were a bit too much. And I must admit to getting a bit snotty my own self.
I think I've dated a couple of these! Great advice!
habee - guess we've all met some of these characters but it's best to be shed of them before we get pregnant or married. Thanks for stopping by, I know you are one busy hubber!
This sounds like my daughters boyfriend.
We all see it but her, she walks around in a cloud like you said...LOL!!
Leela, I hope she wakes up. These kinds of guys seem so interesting and romantic to a young girl who may be blinded by his looks, or the adventure of it all. Thanks for your interest in my hub.
An excellent article, with some excellent comments. I would however stress that one doesn't need to be female in order to have one's life ruined by a sociopath. I speak from experience. Sociopaths permeate all sections of society, and all kinds of workplaces. And many are female, though relatively of course there are more males. This can actually make the females more dangerous: just as here in Britain there was recently a paedophile ring uncovered with two women involved. What I'm saying is, generally speaking, people simply don't expect this kind of sick behaviour from women the way they perhaps might from men. Hence, rarer, but more insidious in it's way. "Touched by the Devil" by Andy Shea and John Clarke is an excellent place to start if you want to delve into the psychopathic psyche. Which you really don't, of course!
Thank you, Steven. Actually, I wrote another piece about women directed at young men. I've known of some very nice young men who got themselves in trouble with disturbed girls, so please don't think I'm being sexist here. Trouble makers come in both genders. And you may be right about that book. I might be a bit flip about the topic, but the behavior scares me.
Thanks for the comment Delores - I certainly do NOT think you are being sexist, my comments were directed more at those who have commented that this is an excellent hub for women to read. They're right, it certainly is. My point is that it's an excellent hub for all people to read.
Thank you, Steven. It's easy to sound sexist when we talk about creeps. Women often focus on men and the other way around. I appreciate your interest in my topic as well as your kind words.
After reading through the article and comments another deferentiation has to be taken in to account. Some people might have an disorder which is detectible, wome might have a latent one, which will be enhanced by a certain situation or medication causing psychosis. One of the places where one can encounter more often people with such an disorder are those who have cancer and are treated by means of chemotherapy. Prednison for example is a medicine used as an ewlement of chemotherapy, but can cause also psychosis of even borderline(effects) (British Medical Journal 1987). The frequency of patients with such side effects had increased.
John - While I'm not exactly sure what you are talking about, I understand that certain drugs and medications can effect behavior. This article concerns people who have a history of such behavior, people with a particular character disorder. Thank you for your interest in my article.
Hi All, I think citations will aleiviate rebukes from the audience, and display credibility, which will also aid in spreading recomendation of this site. I like the distinction between the person with APD/sociopath and the narcicist. Thanks for that. :)
Nightbird, glad that you appreciate the article. I added the distinction between APD and narcissism because there is a fine line between the two.
"Night of the Hunter",is? one of the best and scariest movies ever made. and the sociopath's thinking that he is the "good guy" is a typical trait.
ptosis, I remember watching Night of the Hunter on a little black and white TV when I was a teenager and that movie scared me more than I don't know what. I saw it again recently, and noticed the marvelous effects of the black and white film. I don't think that he saw himself as the good guy, but portrayed himself as such. It didn't work with honest, clear eyed people though.
Well written and useful. Thank you!
Thank you, msorensson, glad you liked the hub!
Wow Dolores, The hub as well as the comments were great.
Granny - yes, we were having quite a discussion up there for awhile. I love to read comments on hubs. Sometimes they are as interesting as the hub itself!
Interesting.
You have to be very,very careful. Met a guy at the gym he was persistant on me for about a month.I stay close to my gym,he followed me one day to see where I lived.(Red-flag)
Didn't like that changed my gym schedule to avoid him,he caught me one day at gym and stated I see you have a new boyfriend,his car's at your house all night.
I never dated this guy,why is he stalking me?
Just think if I had allowed him in,I would have never been able to get him away from me if he's acting a fool now.
Be careful ladies,it's ugly out here.
Thanks foe sharing.
Rasta - That's pretty creepy and quite frightening. You just hear too many stories about such people. Is sociopathic behavior on the upswing? Or are we just talking more about it. Thanks for sharing your story.
Dolores...YOU GO GUURL!! @ your response to Pieter.
YOUR TUFF STUFF!!! If none of you didn't know before, you know now, Dolores can handle her own, bake a mean bread and make a candle!!
Dolores I enjoyed this hub! Your description and explanation of this type of male patterned behavior whether sociopathic or narcissistic is to the point! Whether it's one of the two, or both even, the bottom line is it's crazee, and that person needs help...quickly and immediately at the same time!!
imatellmuva - unfortunately, people with a character disorder can rarely be helped and can not be 'cured.' I certainly do not understand what a person can do to help themselves, but I do understand that sociopathic people create trouble for those that love them and are best avoided in romantic relationships.
And lets not forget that there are women out there with this kind of behavior, women who use and manipulate the people that love them. Thank you!
Good point Dolores, and I know...I know! Long long ago, I was in a relationship with a guy who caused great interference between me and my son, who was only 6 at the time. I told him "You may not always be my man, but HE, will always be my son!" This guy threw a pitcher of water in my face, he said to keep from hitting me. I moved out in less than an hour because I was damned if he would ever have the chance! This dude tried to change me so much so, that I would have to get to know myself again, and I liked who I was! I'm stronger than that "D"!
I don't know why I'm telling you this, and you may think the same, but since you're my new big sista' we've got a lot of catch'n up to do!! Thank you Dolores...you're wonderful!!!!
ima - you are so sweet! Good for you! I am so glad to hear that you got out of a potentially dangerous situation, especially as you had a young child aboard. But so many young women rely on men for 'strength' and can see inappropriate power moves as strength.
I admit proudly that I am still a big fan of the judge shows - and whenever a woman finally gets around to suing a guy for money - the backstory is...well usually most of, if not all of, the reasons on your list. He is entitled to the money, she is a nut case, she made him hit her, yes, he's lied many times, people warned her - and so it goes.
I wish women would just keep it simple - get a checkoff list like yours and go through it with her head. I know quite a few good guys - there is no need to accept the idea that we have to tolerate, save a guy, be desperate etc.
Let's not make it so hard. Were I still teaching I would use the list for my students to create discussion and to apply it to all their relationships - whether a guy friend or BFF or whomever.
Unfortunately, women are placed in this financially dependent relationship. Should she plan to have children in this culture she must take a vow of abject poverty and/or become totally dependent on a male for financial support. She neither has a right to paid maternity benefits or childcare benefits. Not even medical care or a village to help raise the child. We have to change that.
Enjoyed your hub(s). I always do. Rated up.
Hi, BK! Good to see you. Sometimes I have to wonder how much we have changed. It's hard for a women today. I myself called the police on a guy who was downstairs beating his toddler. The mother was in the background screaming for him to stop. The police took the mother and child off (to a relative's) and left the guy in the apartment. When I questioned the officer (this was years ago) he told me to mind my own business.
I so get this, its true, most guys do atlest three of those things! half the time its just to annoy us... glad someone told the world what they need to hear!
Bettey - well I can't say that most guys are sociopaths. Most guys are good hearted souls, decent people. Liars and manipulators are the few and to be avoided. Thanks!
Great hub. The problem with both narcissists and sociopaths is that they both don't respond well to psychotherapy and this becomes problematic in relationships. It is also hard to know your with a sociopath until it is too late, so your warnings will hopefully forewarn some. Your writing is very captivating.
toknowinfo - thank you. Yes, both are personality disorders and not mental illness. Kind of scary. It's just the way some people are....
This is really a good one. I dated one man like this briefly. This dude came back 2 years later and tried to break in my home to kill me. Because he was watching me (unknown to me) he grew into a jealous rage; not over another man. He was jealous of me life and that I had the audacity to move on from him. I have a protective order against him. He was exactly the person you wrote about and he taught me the dangers of this personality type.
Valuable information about dating! A great read!
Love is blind. Great hub and men or woman can lie. In a healthy relationship the opposite is true.
Nappy Muse - I am glad to hear that you have rid yourself of this dangerous man. It's pretty sad to think that a man will resort to this kind of behavior. He would have done much better with you if he acted like a human being ( I would think). Thank you!
dating - had quite an argument with someone above about this whole topic. But I am just trying to warn people who may fall prey to creeps.
onceuponatime - Satan is the Father of Lies, as they say. Good relationships are built on trust and kindness. Thank you.
Great hub, it's difficult to decipher a narcissist from a sociopath. Especially covert narcissists who also display sociopathic tendencies. Personally I have only covered Narcissistic Personality Disorder in my hubs so far.
sparkster - not being a professional, but only someone who is trying to be helpful, it looks like the main difference is that a sociopath has a need to victimize people. Thanks!
Thanks for the reply Dolores, a narcissist also victimizes people though it's usually just one or two people so that they can hide their behaviour from everyone else who they have fooled. However, this is due to a lack of empathy rather than intentionally inflicting suffering upon the victim as a sociopath would do.
However, when a narcisisst (especially a covert or stealth narcissist) is at risk of being 'figured out' they will then display sociopathic tendencies and victimize the necessary person/people in order to protect their false self.
Sparkster - well, I don't think I'd want my daughter to get involved with either of them. What a shame that these characters miss out on real human interaction and real honest love by hurting the people who care about them. (A bit of sympathy for the devil in that one)
You really make it seem so easy along with your presentation however I find this matter to be really one thing that I believe I'd never understand. It seems too complicated and extremely wide for me. I am having a look ahead on your subsequent publish, I will attempt to get the cling of it!
Though such behavior is not at all simple and is dangerous and frightening, and not being a professional, I only tried to make a simple outline, a sort of warning to young women of behavior to avoid when they see it in a young man.
Very awesome hub! :) Can't say I've always listened to my mother, and was with some crappy men because I didn't~
Hattie - why don't young girls listen to their mothers? Can't say I paid enough attention to my wise mother either. Thanks for reading!
Ha Ha I think it is because we want to be independent and go out in the world and become our own person, make our own choices, and of course when mother's always said no, we wanted to rebel! lol
The last guy I dated actually told me on a few ocassions that he was a sociopath. He was charming one day and distant and cold the next. I think because I was so attracted to him, I didn't want to see the signs. He fits 7 out of the 10 things you listed.
Shame I wasted so much time on a man who really only gave a darn about himself
Hattie - ha, I never appreciated my own mother's advise until I became one myself! (Why don't those kids listen?)
snowsilver - well if he is out of your life, you sure learned an important lesson. You think that because he is such a creep but is attracted to you, you are somehow special. What lies we tell ourselves! Thanks!
Hi Dolores, stopping by to see a few of your hubs. Ironically, this one caught my eye as I was in my first ever abusive relationship (at my age no less) last year, and most certainly he was a sociopath, my first ever I think as well. He was a very sick man, but it took me a while to extricate myself from his lying, addictive, abusive, compulsive behaviors. It's so hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been there before............thank you for writing about it.
Hippie - I am glad to hear that you removed yourself from this guy's influence. How sad is it that such a person would so hurt someone who loves them so, who is so ready to stand behind them, and support them? It was his loss. At least you learned something. Thank you.
I have a question. What do the sociopath's own friends and family think of them? Does the sociopath have them fooled or do they just naturally take his side?
The reason I ask is because I have experienced this and everyone has a very biased attitude, they believe the sociopath is good as gold and even though they've made it clear they know the rumours are lies they still take their side and act as though the sociopath is the victim. Why?
Sparkster - this article was created to warn young women away from young men who behave in a dangerous manner. I am not a psychologist and have used this platform more as a mother offering advise. That being said - how many people still love a family member who has been convicted of terrible crimes. Family ties are a very tight bond.
I've also noticed as well as read how a sociopath plays the role of the victim when accused of a bad deed or crime. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.
There is a sociopath in my family and he is ruining the family. It is always his way and he is always right in his eyes. How can I convince my sister that he is not good for her. Without getting into too much detail, my sister sided with him OVER MY OWN MOTHER! How can this be? I want him OUT of MY FAMILY!
As much as it applies to the man, it applies to the woman also. Great piece all the way. Awesome
Very interesting, and so true. I am a PK (preachers kid) and let me just tell you, you see A LOT of sociopaths when you are in the ministry. They are so good at hiding their true nature that even someone trained to see them, sometimes can't until it is too late. Many women are sociopaths as well, which you just don't tend to think about, and they love to go after men in the ministry. It can be a scary thing to watch, especially when you see what's coming and no one listens.
I posted a comment on here and it was deleted. WHY?? It was the truth! Why was my post deleted???????
Paula - I did not delete your comment, dear. I've been real busy with a close relative who has a serious injury and have not even seen any comments. So. I am sorry that your are having such a problem. Of course, sometimes, we look at a person that we don't like and start to believe they are evil just because we don't like them. Then, often, we are right.
But a person can be blinded by love. You rail against the individual and sometimes that only makes them more appealing. You probably have to be a bit sneaky for this one. Coming out and saying what a creep he is may only make him seem more romantic to your sister. Maybe you can subtly point out instances where the guy is wrong. If he is breaking the law, you can get the police involved. If you have a large big brother or close friend, maybe they can "warn" him away.
You can not control the behavior of other people - him or your sister. Good luck. I sincerely hope he moves on.
uban - actually, I also wrote a piece for young men, warning them away from sociopathic women. This one was written with a bit of humor, as I think humor appeals to guys. Thank you.
LCaverson - oh, I bet. A really evil person would be thrilled to corrupt a minister. The chance to screw around with someone who is doing God's work must be quite appealing to someone like that. And I've known some pretty nasty women to be sure. As stated earlier, I wrote an article about them too. Thanks.
Thank you for commenting. I didn't see my previous posting the other day and thought you deleted it. My apologies. This guy was actually diagnosed as a sociopath (psychopath). I told my sister, but she says he is caring and loving to her. He has had so many fights with his immediate family that they don't even talk to him. He has a daughter who doesn't talk to him either because of his abuse. Now my sister is with this guy and I just can't see that she doesn't see all of the warning signs and stays with him. He was very abusive in a previous marriage. I have decided just to wash my hands of my sister until she opens her eyes or wakes up! I think she just wants to be married and that is the problem. She will stay with him just to be married. Oh, well, not my loss, but hers as she has lost a sister until she gets rid of that loser!
Paula - I changed the way that comments appear because someone posted a comment using very foul language on another hub and I did not want people to read something like that from someone who was not saying anything, but attempting to shock.
Anyway, it's a sad tale you tell. Please don't drop your sister in a time when she will soon need you. If the guy was abusive before, there is no reason that he won't be this time. She may need sanctuary and if you have turned against her, she may feel trapped. Separating her from her family and the people who love her is exactly what he wants.
Yes, it is probably what he wants for us to all separate from her. I believe he won't do anything abusive to her unless he feels "safe" to do it. Then, I will be there for her, but in the mean time, I think I should lay low so that he will abuse her and then she will leave him sooner. The more we candy coat this monster in our family, the more he will stay. I don't want him to stay in the family so if the family separates, don't you think the abuse will start and then she will leave sooner? If we stick around, he will not do anything to her. I am not saying that I want him to do something, but if he does, it will prove that he is a horrible person and possibly my sister will leave. What do you think?
Paula - listen to yourself! Do you want to encourage abuse? It sounds like you are so mad at her, you want something bad to happen. You are letting your hatred of this guy rule your thoughts about your sister in a real negative way. He is now controlling your thoughts and turning you into someone you may not want to be.
Interesting.
What is the traditional treatment for someone with this disorder?
Actually rather; I don't care. I think if there could be a meter; I would say I am probably 85% sociopath. The other day I stole something from a store (quite by accident); yet I felt guilt about it; and almost convinced myself to return the item. I decided to carry on though.
In thinking about Sociopaths, guilt is an uncommon thing. At first, maybe this initial guilt is because I was worried something might happen to me (thus reinforcing my sociopathic type); or that it might adversely affect the local economy (if everyone else did similar; thus reinforcing my sociopathic type). However, in the case of something bad happening; I did it by accident. And in the case of the local economy; the store has already factored in such accidental losses into their profit margin.
Thus, I'm sitting here, deciding if my guilt is genuine. The fact that I alleviated some anxiety over the incident might reinforce the fact that I'm a sociopath.
But generally speaking; I'm a normal person. I try to be a good one.
As a last comment; I do believe we are naturally void of emotion. We think incredibly logically.
I have to force myself to feel empathy with a person's plight. It helps me understand what they feel. It might seem weird; but I think it might open me up to understanding different people that most people disregard.
Once again, there is that sociopathic superiority complex. I don't care so much about that. Superiority is ingrained in me from the ancient days of hunting and killing prey.
MP - not being a professional, but just a concerned old lady, I am not going to suggest treatment for a difficult condition that is actually a personality disorder. Just because you steal candy does not mean that you are a sociopath. And just because you think you're cool doesn't mean you are one either. Do you enjoy hurting people or animals? Hunting is a life skill that has more to do with survival than proving you are a dangerous nut.
Ok I will admit this hub was a little scary for me. Facing the true can be hard, but I am referring to someone I know, and I could not figure out how someone can treat people so cold as if there feelings have no acccount what so ever. I dont know if he's really narcissistic, but it sounds like it. Thanks for all of this useful information.
adrienne - it is scary! Normal people assume that everyone else is nice, kind, and able to think of others. It comes as a shock when people we come to care about can be so heartless and cold. Thank you.
I wish I had read this at the start of the year...I have found myself a horrible sociopathic man - he is being prosecuted and the court case keeps being adjourned :(. It has just about been the worst few months of my life. I am now signed off with stress from my otherwise successful job, and my life feels like it has been sucked into a whirlpool. I can't wait for it all to be over, but his most recent threats suggest it is never going to be! What a mess!
TheNewCinders - well having read this or not, it's hard to pick up on the signals. The best of us can be sucked in by a rotten person; it's what they do. I am so sorry for your trouble and hope that it gets resolved quickly.
Thank you very much! I know that really - hindsight is a cruel knowledge to have :).
Rainy Day - sorry that I did not post your comment as it was so long. But I would tell that story to your new friend. Suppose her lost rotten boyfriend reappears in her life. Telling her what a creep he was may help her feel glad to be shed of him.
Beth - thank you for reading and commenting on my hub. Yes. You do wonder how these people can get away with such behavior over the years. Sorry you had such trouble. Also sorry that I can not publish your comment, due to your mentioning a particular person by name in a disparaging manner.
This perfectly describes my recent ex. I found myself on a roller coaster ride with him for almost two years. He came on very loving and doting. i had limited experience dating and an absent father and he was a few years younger than I. flattered by all the attention and the prospect of being loved by a kind great looking man, I opened my heart. The little lies started. My mom didn't like him just from speaking to him on the phone. The belittling happened subtly. He introduced me to all his family and it took a while for me to realize only to some of his friends. He'd say aweful things to me, feign believable apologies, and when I came back, do the same or worse. One day he made a comment about his sister-in-law being almost the same age as his mom. Wasn't true. She was actually my age-a subtle dig at my age. He asked me to spend Thanksgiving with him. Taught his nephew to call me a cougar. We're five years apart. He told me he has no feelings for me. Waited a month and then told me he didn't know why he said it, please forgive me. He begged me to give him a chance to win me back because he loved me and has never met a woman as amazing as me. I said maybe let's just be friends. He said whatever it takes and asked me to come to his friend's daughter's birthday party. I wasn't sure of his motivation so declined. He asked me to come to his other friend's dad's funeral. I thought that for someone who wanted to win me back these weren't enticing invitations and asked. He blew up, told me the day after the party is his other friends wedding and he didn't invite me because that's the type of thing that when you take a woman to, you're telling the world, she's special to me.
learningtheropes - I am sorry for your trouble. I imagine that you had a good time with him in the beginning, but when he began to lie and to belittle you, it was time to go. I hope that you have moved on and put this experience behind you and learned from it.
I was involved with a narcistic social path, who always talked about himself in the third person...He had me convinced that he had changed his life, no more drugs, he went to rehab, now he want's to be manogamist, and told me first that he loved me...Just to find out that he had been talking to three other women the whole time, this guy had nothing, and lived in the homeless shelter, and was helping a friend out with his business, which had not gotten off the ground yet..So needless to say he was making hardly any money at all, that's why he was living in the shelter, besides that he had 3 felonies against him, which made it hard to get a place..So stupid me, really fell in love and thought this guy had turned his life around..I was willing to move to where he was at, because I had just finished school, and get an apartment with him...I found out that he was thinking about moving to another city, after he told me he was in our relationship for the long haul..When I questioned him about it, he flat out lied, and I let him know I was lying, he went off on me and made me feel like I was the stupid person invading into his privacy for asking him such a question..A week in a half later another incident came about, and when we split up, he told me I lost out on a good man..LOL..I still hurt about it but glad I'm out of that relationship, healing and moving ahead now..
Excellent article! I am convinced that there are far more of these sociopaths and their close counterparts (psychopaths, narcissists, etc.) than most people realize. And, that is why it is so easy to find yourself in a relationship with one - that and the fact that they are clever con artists by nature.
It, also, seems like they out themselves in comments on this subject. They are very predictable. Anyone who says that the victim has a guilty role in her own victimization is probably a perp. The only person ever to blame for victimization in a relationship is the perp. Asking why the victim "got herself" into this situation and "what is wrong with her?" "why does she lack self-esteem," etc. is a way to shift blame and deprecate the victim. It is, in fact, another form of victimization and, sadly, it is all over the web as a reminder of how many of these sickos there really are, apparently!
Excellent hub! Accolades and voted up.
Serena - these days it seems to be common to blame victims of abuse, poverty, and illness. I think people do this as a form of protection. They like to thin that problems will not come their way if they behave in a certain manner. Thanks.
Oh, I don't want to get along with that kind of guy. That's why I am still single, even though I already had a daughter out of wedlock.
I'm more cautious now in choosing who to go with in a relationship.
Thanks for sharing, Ms. Dolores.
You said that "guys who abuse their wives and children can somehow justify the behavior" and linked to the video of 'Luka'. The impression I got from this is that you're saying it's mostly men who commit child abuse, whereas I think mothers are more likely to abuse their children, seeing as they usually spend more time with them.
Jay - think whatever you want, and sure there are a lot of nasty women around, but the point of the article is a warning for young women. I also wrote one for guys, on what kind of gal to avoid. People get mad at that one too. Bad people come in both genders. (And don't tell me that men are not more inclined to violence than women, You just have to watch the news to see that) Thanks for your interest and comment.
You were right to delete "Pieter's" posts. It seems like healthy people all agree there is a right and wrong and there are in fact victims. "Pieter" and his ilk want to blame the victim and as other posters have said, that is WRONG and usually done by either the perp himself of perp advocates. He mentions Hitler...does he believe the Jews were not victims? Going by what he wrote - I guess they are not! And the teens who commit suicide after so much verbal bullying - are they not victims? And children who have been abused in any way - are they not victims? He reminds me of the sick Dr. Phil types who want to claim "there are no victims, just willing participants" or whatever crap he spouts - WE WHO ARE HEALTHY and believe in right and wrong KNOW there are in fact victims. To think otherwise, just shows a lack of empathy which is a key trait in the very problem you write about - sociopathy - not to mention the other Cluster B personality disorders - narcissism, etc. Methinks Pieter might be showing signs of narcissism, no? All his defensive doublespeak, etc. It angers me to see these guys age any say as if their words hold water. Yes, it is your blog and you have the right to delete what sickens you when you KNOW it is a bunch of lies made to sound good on the surface.
Anonymous - thank you for commenting. I only deleted a few of the posts, leaving some as I think it's good to present an opposite take on a subject. But the tendency to blame the victim, which I see more and more these days, seems to border on evil. Doing bad things to people, using or manipulating people, abusing people whether physically or emotionally is wrong. It is not morally wrong to be "weak" or vulnerable.
I love my boyfriend and he loves me but he thinks his always right and im the who should understand him ive been in this relation for 3 years and i spent more time crying then smiling.Im talking to God alot im giving it time.
lisa - well, in general, I feel that men like to be right. They want to be the boss, knowledgeable, and in charge. But if a man must be right while making you feel bad, and must always put you down, he has no respect for you at all. And if you are in a relationship that has you crying all the time, what is the sense of going on with it? That doesn't sound like love at all.
Delores, great article that put meaning to a recent conversation about big bells, I totally understand now.
I saw first hand and I know it's not funny ha ha, but funny.
I liked Ella's version of Mack the Knife I had no idea she had performed it but Bobby Darrin's version remains tops in my likes,
peace, dust
50 50 50 - no meaning to inappropriate comments at all, but it's about rotten people you want to keep away from. Not kooks. No problem there!
I love anything by Ella Fitzgerald. Of course, I love Bobby to, but Ella sings anything best. And Bobby almost makes Mack sound cute so I don't think it would have worked here.
Peace to you as well.
Dolores you have described this character disorder extremely well and I applaud you for reaching out to unsuspecting people who have become victims of the disorders which could also include family members and friends of the afflicted person, not just a love interest. Substance Abuse support is Al-Anon. Awareness and support is just as important and necessary for anyone that has been affected by any of the three disorders.
As of today, I finally got out of a relationship with someone with a "narcissistic personality disorder and the anti-social and sociopathic manipulative behavior." I just got home from dropping him off at the bus station to return back to his home in another State. I watched him get seated on the bus so I would know that he is truly gone.
He moved in with me after a long distance eight month relationship and after a few short weeks I began to recognize the inconsistencies in his behavior. The control surfaced first and a few more weeks revealed the 'me' syndrome and a few more weeks after that revealed the manipulation and the lies. Then 'creepy' behavior began; the feeling that I was being stalked as I moved around in my own home. He became further confused when I moved out of the bedroom. He would recline on the bed for hours, at different times; just thinking and watching my activity because he didn't want to close the door all of the way as it made him feel claustrophobic! I told him to close the door and why I wanted it closed and on some days, I purposely closed it for him just to make a point. I also started noticing that he secretly had been looking at things I wrote, looking through my drawers and the internet sites I might absent mindedly leave open. Three times he told me that if I was seeing someone else, that it would end up badly. I became concerned that a switch would flip and he would hurt me or my 18 year old daughter or my pets or destroy my home in some way to get back at me. And I also became concerned that ‘fear’ was trying to creep in on me.
He wanted me to do everything the way he did them; wanted to know everything that I was doing and everything that I was thinking, no matter how small. Yet the few simple things that I would tell him became elevated 'issues' that turned his world upside down. He would have child-like tantrums in reaction.
I began to see that his actions were not healthy and I created a protective barrier that he couldn't penetrate; he brought that up several times during the last month he was here. I realized that he couldn't comprehend logic or accept anything that I had to say or wanted to do apart from him if they were different from his thoughts. I rarely told him anything negative and the few things that I did share should have been things that two normal people could handle.
I was supported in my assessment of his behavior by his siblings because they have dealt with it all of their lives. We are all in our fifties; I am not a young woman but I fell for his charm. We were high school sweethearts, lost touch of one another for 34 years and last March, I landed a starring role in my own 'Lifetime Movie' filled with drama with an issue to overcome everyday when I came home from work.
He has had drinking issues in the past when things got too tough or his past relationships would end. After I began to pull away from him because I could see that he wasn't mentally and emotionally stable, he decided to go on a drunk and after three days of that, I told him it had to stop. And the next day I came home from work, he was all cleaned up and acting his normal self again. I spoke to my brother about his behavior just to check my thought processes because the manipulation he displays is pretty convincing and my brother agreed with my assessment. About this time, his sister contacted me because he had called her to start his pity-manipulation on her. She told me that he has manipulated her and her other brother over and over again through the years. He even got her upset once by threatening to commit suicide, while talking to her 5 States away! He told me things like, 'I'm not going to make it' 'I don't want to live anymore if you're not with me' 'I will live on the street even though that scares me so I can be humbled'. I responded to his antics at first and because this was so illogical knowing the type of order that he had to have in his life. I finally told him that it doesn't make sense but if that is what he wants to do, go do it. The 'cold wall' that hit him like a 'force-field' (as he referred to it) came into fruition as a necessary defense for me to survive and to make him understand it was over between us. I wasn't rude; I let him rant unless I caught him in a lie that I had to address; I met many of them with silence. If I elected to set the lie straight, I used an unwavering strength in my tone of voice. Then I would allow him to once again display the obviously formulated 'insightful', ‘intellectual’ ‘thought provoking’ thoughts about 'us' and let the attempted manipulation explode against my force-field!
It took him thirty days to get to the point of leaving and only because I set a timeline that I would remind him of from time to time. If he hadn’t left on the day that I specified, I was prepared to file a trespass warrant and have the police force him to leave. I had to protect myself and the things that I am responsible for and I would have done this without his advanced knowledge.
I find this to be a therapeutic release as I write. I am so happy to be free! His brother and sister helped and encouraged me throughout all of this; to trust my instincts because they were more concerned for my well being than for his and ‘Don’t back down!’ This experience has been somewhat therapeutic for them also by supporting me and they have told me that it amazes them how he always manages to end up in a good situation after times like this, with other people that he charms for help and they come to his rescue. His charm carries him through life like a drunk that causes a car accident that kills the other driver but the drunken escapes harm.
All this to say, trust your instincts. If someone does not seem 'right' then talk to a person you can trust that will give you sound feedback and continued support throughout the ordeal.
Build a wall of protection around you until you can get out of that situation. Don't back down. Be strong for your life. Confuse and defuse the manipulation with silence or with few words spoken only when necessary, with self assurance.
Determine the imbalance and balance it if you are the ‘too nice’ type; it is the key to every area in life.
freenow - living with someone who scares us is so unhealthy. The people we live with should make us feel secure and strong - good that you freed yourself of your trouble.
KCC Big Country Level 2 Commenter 2 years ago
Very good hub. How true, but so hard to see with the blinders of love on.